This year has been so tough, and it’s taken it’s toll on me mentally. I didn’t want to put a post like this here but thought maybe it will help in some way if I just had somewhere I could just blabber on about things, anything random really.
I guess you could say my brain is running like the fastest bullet train firing off loads of thoughts and situations and I just cannot put things into place. I’m kinda struggling with filing all my thoughts away at the moment, it’s causing me to struggle to concentrate on other hobbies that I love to do.
With the hell that’s going on at work at the moment with my hours being cut dramatically and me having to rely on my partner even more now for emotional and financial support, it’s caused my anxiety to get even worse just when it was getting better. I feel like I let everyone down in my life even though I know that it’s just not my fault, I just feel like it is.
That’s the thing with anxiety, too much bad news just makes it explode and me running scared trying to hide from life and how horrid it is and blaming myself for everything that has happened.
It has me exhausted at times.
Sometimes I just want to hide under the duvet and sleep the days away hoping that the pandemic will be gone and my life will be more stable.
I hope that I’ll be able to relax alot more but at the moment with how everything is and how unpredictable the future is (especially with my job) I just don’t know when that will be. *sigh*
I will keep blogging! Don’t worry about that!! This is my escape route and will always be my escape route from the harsh reality that is surrounding me and you guys too.
It’s just that there will be times where I’ll just disappear off the map for awhile and be dead quiet, it’s just me hiding under my duvet and having me time by sleeping alot, it’s something I do when my anxiety is just plain shit, (excuse my french), I just sleep constantly as I’m just constantly drained off energy to even function.
As for twitter, that will be a no go for me besides tweeting that I have a blog post up, I just cannot handle seeing the amount of negative news on there, if I could disable the “What’s Happening” section then I sure will do that but I can’t and all that negativity is just staring me in the face. (Which I hate alot).
The grim reality I am facing is that my job, my first ever job is at risk because of the restrictions that the Welsh Government has put in place. I’m stuck in a financial black hole with less hours and a small pay, I have to rely heavily on my partner which is going against my morals, (I believe that I have to pay my own way in life), and battling my anxiety every time I wake up, while firing of copies of my resume to gain that extra needed income I desperately need!
It’s like reality just slapped me in the face when I was at my most happiest.
How has this year been for you? Have you found it tough so far?
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